but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
