So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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