We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Sext me about skeletons
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
