you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
