A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
