Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize