Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
