I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize