saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Randomize
