allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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