I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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