well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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