Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
