so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
