If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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