Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
