Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
