i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
