The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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