The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Randomize
