yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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