Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
