when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
