This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
He shit in the fireplace
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
