I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize