it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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