Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
