You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
