I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
just tell him i said nine months
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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