I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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