I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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