You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
