Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
