I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
