Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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