I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
