I think I won the penis lottery.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
