i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Randomize
