Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
you traded sex for a burrito?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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