Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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