Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
