I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
