kristin has been a bad kristin
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
