Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
