Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
