btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
