yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
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