i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
