Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
