she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
