I accidentally had phone sex last night
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
