Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
