new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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