I need to stop coming to work sober
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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