booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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