"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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