I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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