Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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