you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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