His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
