I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
