Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
