HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize