I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
