Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
