I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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