how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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