From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
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