Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
