Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
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