She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
