now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
