Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
