Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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