so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
ttyl tear gas
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
