I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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