Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
