the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Randomize
