are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Girls should come with a carfax report
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
