I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
