I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
