I accidentally had phone sex last night
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
