$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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