I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
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