Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
this is an emotional support booty call
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize