Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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