Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
