why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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