Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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