I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
