I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
