I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
