I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
