i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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