You work out of a Hotel?
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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