Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
