I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
