Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
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