1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
