Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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